Love me.

This is actually so awesome and exciting. So we’d been talking casually about this idea ever since my dad came home with an old Epson projector from his office. But today I decided it was time to execute. This morning I had nothing more than the projector, a shitty laptop, a y cable, and an outlet. By 9:30 tonight there was an old white sheet clipped to the front of the garage and a jumble of cords leading from the porch to two side tables with a set up of the projector, laptop, and a speaker system. Just beyond that was a clump of lawn chairs where Maura, John and I sat to watch The Princess and the Frog projected onto the sheet for the inaugural viewing/test run. So I’m running with this whole thing and there will be movie nights in my front yard all summer long, probably once a week. Sometimes for my friends and sometimes for all the families on the street. And it will be BYO lawn chairs, beverages, and popcorn :) this is going to be so much fun, I can’t wait!

I leave for college in 91 days. I’ve been waiting for you for over 7 months. And now we’re running out of time. I want this. And I know you do to. So don’t think, just do. I know it’s scary and risky and irrational and crazy and imperfect. But let’s just go for it. Let’s just drop everything and at least have one amazing summer together.

I was truly shocked, honored, and humbled at senior awards tonight. I was only expecting to receive one award. But to my surprise I received four awards: Theatre excellence award, Kenan Kessler spirit award, choir spirit award, and Teamsters local book scholarship. In addition, it was wonderful to see so many of my close friends get recognized for their own achievements and talents. But what really made the night special was when a mother who had been sitting in front of me stopped me on the way out to say “I don’t know you but you got a lot of awards and seem like a very accomplished, well-rounded, humble young lady. Congratulations and good luck next year!” This simple exchange is possibly one of the nicest things anyone has ever said to me, because it was so sincere yet from a total stranger It just puts things into perspective. Tomorrow is my last full day of high school. Four years which have encompassed so much are finally coming to a close. And I’m not ready for it to be over yet.

Once a Cougar, always a Cougar.

You’re actually a dumb fuck. This is probably going to blow up in your face and I can’t say you don’t deserve it. You’re better than this. Wise up.

I would do anything to make you happy and to be the one you’re holding hands and laughing with…

Do you realize that I care the most?

I had a good time, thanks for asking, despite the broken promises and things that cannot be unseen. Promises that were made, in a way, back in November and that I had so been looking forward to. I don’t know anymore. I want to fight but it’s things like this that make it so hard. Especially when you don’t even see how much it kills me, how much I care. But I’m begging you to prove me wrong on that. I’m begging you to see. I think we still need to finish that conversation…